Also the day Mike left I cancelled all therapies for our youngest son who was born with Down Syndrome. Not so much a break for him (although I'm sure he enjoyed it) but a break for me so I didn't have to feel overwhelmed and stressed. So I could cope and adjust.The day Mike left was not a sad day but just a "okay hes gone...now what?"
The first few days surprisingly went well. Dylan was doing fine at school, he was happy and I stuck to my daily routine. Then came the first day of no communication. LET THE MELT DOWNS BEGIN. Dylan would say " I want to talk to my daddy, call him." 99% of the time I would call he wouldn't answer because he was busy and had his phone off. I would tell Dylan "Daddy calls every chance he gets bud." Of course that wouldn't help.
The hardest times for Dylan to cope was about supper time when we were normally hearing combat boots walking in the door, story time, and bed time. Those are the usual times Mike spends with the boys. So our evenings would be full of questions "How many days left? Did daddy call yet?" and tears. "I miss my daddy so bad. I want my daddy to come home now."
One night I was laying in bed and I could hear Dylan crying. I listened to him I would hear him say "I miss you daddy." Standing in the hallway I peaked in Dylan's room he was laying on his side with his special bear him and his dad made wrapped tight in his arms. He would be pressing the foot so I would hear "Love you Dylan, Miss you" Dylan would say " I miss you daddy" "Love you Dylan, miss you" and again Dylan would say with a sad voice "I miss you daddy." this would go on for a while. Standing in the hall way tears would roll down my face. Its hard to support something that makes your 6 year old sad and cry. I knew this is the part that I had to be strong. Saying a little prayer in the hallway for the lord to give me strength, wiping away the tears and walking in Dylan's room. I grabbed Dylan and said "Its okay buddy. I know its hard for daddy to be gone but he misses you too and will be home soon." That night I laid in bed with him till he fell asleep.
As the days would go on the harder it got for Dylan as I knew it would. Dylan's teacher started talking to me about Dylan having a hard time concentrating, he doesn't want to play with the other kids and he is sad. She said If you want him to bring a picture, or something special that would be okay. The next day Max (his special bear) was in Dylan's backpack ready for a day at school. Dylan got to carry Max around and got to hold him any time he wanted. That day when I picked Dylan up from school his teacher walked to my car, gave me a thumbs up and invited Max for another day. This seemed to help...temporarily.
Anyone that says "Its only 30 days" I dare you to say that to a 6 year old daddy's boy. This wasn't easy. The school days carried on and Dylan struggled. I knew there was a support group for kids when their dads were deployed we knew it was a must when it was deployment time. Dylan's teacher told me she talked to the lady who runs the support group and wanted to welcome Dylan to it even though his dad was not deployed yet. I was thrilled. It was a group that Dylan would hang out with other kids who were going through the same thing, get to play games, write letters to their dads, and talk about their dads. I wanted Dylan to know hes not alone and get to talk to someone other then his mom.
The melt downs would continue at home. Dylan has everything from a dvd with dad reading to him, books about soldiers being away, a picture book of him and his dad, his special bear and his special toy his dad got him before leaving. These little things would calm him down for a little while but lets face it nothings better then the real thing.
I didn't want the rules to slide or Dylan get away with things he would never get away with when dad was home, so things like him sleeping in bed with me or staying up and watch tv bc hes sad wouldn't fly. However I started to get creative. I let Dylan sleep with his dads pillow, wear his dads shirts to bed every night, even things like wearing dads deodorant and body spray. Would always make Dylan smile.
With our youngest son I didn't notice a difference in behavior he was still a happy little cuddle bug. As for me there were times I felt really overwhelmed. Our car which we barely have had problems with, I had it in the shop twice, my dishwasher broke, my tv started to give out, and I had unwanted drama with neighbors who used to be close friends which made me get to my breaking point. One of the hardest parts about being a military wife is feeling alone.When things go wrong or I'm sad I cant run across town to my families house for help or comfort, nope I'm all alone. The only way I got through the chaos was phone calls to my family, friends visiting, and lots of prayer. Living away from family isn't the hardest thing when my husband is home because he is someone I confide in, can cry to and is there for me. When you take the husband out of the equation its nearly impossible to be away from family.
Out of the "box" riiiiiiing riiiiiiiing. The first phone call after not talking two weeks is so awkward and exciting. Its awkward because so much has happened in a two weeks time (especially having kids) So Mike would ask me a million questions but I would tell him the basics acting like "pfft everything is fine here" when really I wanted to spill my beans and cry. The last thing I wanted to do was worry him and make him feel helpless. So we would talk about the kids or his training. Dylan would be crying to dad, not because he was sad because he was happy and knew in a couple days dad would be home. He would sob with happiness and in between the crying he would say how happy he was.
30 days was coming to an end. I have mixed emotions about the training being over. Happy but sad at the same time. Sad only because after training comes deployment and if the month of training is a preview of what deployment is going to be like I have great concerns on my sanity.
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