Happy Birthday Soldier!!!

Happy Birthday DADDY!!!   
The Big dirty 30 took place on April 25th. Being in another country I had to be creative to make his birthday special. We sent him the following...Birthday Card from me Birthday card from Dylan, Birthday Card from Mason instead of a sweet message I traced his hands, leaving hand prints. Doesn't get any sweeter then that! We also sent him a package full of his favorite candy, junk food and a surround sound waits his arrival.
     Dylan was upset and didn't understand why his dad didn't get cake, balloons or open presents. So I thought I needed to step it up, not only sending the birthday boy items to make him feel special, and missed, I needed to make it fun on this end as well.  
    I had to put on my thinking cap. At first I thought "Maybe we should get a cake" but then I thought How rude would that be? The birthday boy wasn't even going to have cake on his birthday. So I thought about balloons! How awesome would it be if Dylan thought by letting balloons go they would make their way to his dad in Kuwait? Also Dylan feeling in a way he was helping daddy celebrate. Balloons it was!  
 First stop, flower shop. I told Dylan about the plan he was so excited. He kept saying "Lets not tell daddy!" Followed by his sneaky giggle. Dylan picked out the balloons. Anything that is red, white and blue Dylan calls "Army Colors." So he picked out an "army balloon that said "All American Love" also a blue and one red that said "I love you!"  
       Next stop, pictures. Of course I knew the balloons were not going to make their way to Kuwait but I also thought dad would get a kick out of knowing Dylan did this in honor of his birthday. 
   Last but not least...It was time to let them go! We counted to three and with a big smile, Dylan standing on top of a hill,released them and said "Safe Travels go to my daddy in Kuwait." After letting them go he did what any kid would do, Chase them! After they were out of reach we watched them go over the mountains. Dylan got a little emotional saying with tears in his eyes "I miss my daddy."   
   There they went, balloons thoughtfully picked out topped with  Dylan kisses on each one of them.
     On the way home Dylan had his face on the window watching for the balloons. Coming over the mountain which looked to be an airplane in the distance however, Dylan insisted it was Daddy's balloons. He said "My balloons said  oops wrong way." Then shortly disappeared again.    
 Later that night while Dylan was sound asleep I skyped with the birthday boy and told him all about our adventure. I gave him detailed description about each balloon. I knew when Dylan next talked to dad he would ask a million questions.  
    A few days later...
Dylan "Daddy, Did you see anything in the sky on your birthday?(giggles)
Daddy " I did!!! Did you send me balloons?"
Dylan" (giggles) yup I did!
Daddy " Thanks buddy!"
After getting off the phone Dylan said "I KNEW HE WOULD SEE THEM, I KNEW ITTT!!!"
Happy 30th Birthday Soldier!!!!

What I have learned about a deployment...

* I'm stronger then I thought
* Every deployment story is different
* Technology is AMAZING I get a phone call daily, and we skype twice a day unless on a mission)
* Watching the news is a bad bad bad idea while your soldier is deployed!
* Saying goodbye was a B*tch!
* I understand why army wives move home during deployments, can be lonely at times.
* I CAN do it all!
* I DO have patience...who knew?
* Skype/ and Internet can be a pain in the A$$!
* No sleep, living off of coffee and energy drinks has become normal
* Surrounding yourself with positive army wives instead of Negative Nancy's is important. Staying Positive is what keeps you going!
* My kids sacrifice ALOT
* Its heartbreaking to see your kids sad knowing this was a decision made from My husband and I.
 * My soldier isn't a complainer "It is what it is...it will be over soon"
* Deployment brain (like pregnancy brain DOES exsists!)  Dylan has given me the name "Forgetful Sally!"
* Sending care packages are Expensive
* Sending care packages are IMPORTANT and APPRECIATED!
* I'm one creative momma when my oldest is sad
* My soldier loves his job and is damn good at it
* Weekends are the DEVIL
* We save a ton of money while my soldier is deployed
 * Its okay to cry
* Its okay to be happy and have fun
* keeping busy helps pass time
* Fort Carson post office is SLOW
* Deployment groups for kids are the best invention EVER
* Until deployment my kids didn't know what lunch ables and spaghetti Os were, Its depressing to sit at the dinning table as a family when not all the family is there. The quicker the meal, THE BETTER!
* The people who say "At least its not Afghanistan, or At least its 9 months and not a year" are probably civilians who would be pissed if their husband wasn't home for dinner on time. Shrug it off.
* I feel guilty when Mason does a milestone without dad here
*  Deployment seems to bring out every ones strengths and weaknesses.
* YOU WILL BE CHALLENGED!
* Deployments don't last forever.
 * Everyday that passes is another day closer to seeing your soldier
* Don't attend your own pity parties, everything will be fine
*Hearing the words "packed, loaded" are exciting!
* Receiving unique gifts from another country will be displayed and cherished. They mean more then just a "gift"
* Receiving my soldiers tough box was emotional bc it means we are SO close!
*preparations of a homecoming is Exciting, emotional and Makes time go by faster!
* I'm not alone

Thank God for Skype

        "Testing one two three, testing." Dylan, Mike and I were sitting in the living room. Mike had his laptop, while Dylan and I had my notebook on the other side of the room. Time to test out Skype. We got the skype going basically wanted to make sure it worked but also to let Dylan know how we were going to be able to talk to dad for a while. Dylan thought it was cool and he was excited to be able to see dad. Of course Dylan had  fun with skype talking to dad when he was 6 steps from him but we knew this was going to be helpful.. Communication is so important while being away. Who wouldn't like to see their soldier while talking? Jackpot!
        Before deploying I made up my mind for the kids that I would keep on keeping on. So one morning I took the kids to Monkey business, a place to climb, run, paint and have lots of fun. I remembered that monkey business had WIFI so of course I brought my computer. Mike skyped me and I followed the kids around with my computer so dad could watch the boys have fun, people looked at me like I was a little crazy but the smile on my soldiers face made me feel otherwise.
        Everyday (so far) we have been able to skype. He will call me before he goes to bed which with the time difference falls on lunch time for us. Some days he watches Mason eat and try to attack the computer, or I help him study for hours for boards. To me it doesn't really make a difference I'm just beyond thankful for skype bc in a way feels like he is still with us.

You got Mail

        Preparing for deployment with a 7 year old I knew I had to come up with a way for Dylan to express himself, talk things through and leaving the communication door to his dad open. I made this "mailbox" out of a Christmas box and blue paint. I told Dylan "Whenever you want to write to dad, draw a picture, or if you want to send something to dad, you can put it in this "mailbox" and when I send out a box I will send what you put in here to daddy."

       I can't say he thought this was so cool, or he loved it. To be honest my husband thought it was a little silly and Dylan could careless. But THEN the day came where it wasn't so silly after all. The night of deployment I saw there was a letter in the box so I pulled it out and it was a letter from Dylan. I didn't even see him write it. It said "When you come home, I'm going to hug you and kiss you, love you miss you."  As the days go by the "mailbox" gets full. Some times I know he is going to put a drawing, or a letter in there and there are days I look and see a hand full of new letters. I told my husband about the mailbox getting alot of attention and it made him happy that Dylan thought of him and continues to think of him while hes away. Whose silly now?

Making Broccoli Sound Like Chocolate

      One thing I love about my soldier is he has a way of cheering me up when I am down. A way of making me KNOW everything will be okay. A way of making me smile through my tears. Always reminding me some hard times we have been through and how we always make it through. Making me feel like I could conquer the world and in some ways making me believe I already have.
      Before deployment I had my days where I said "I cant talk about deployment right now" The night before him leaving I went by myself to get us a few movies, While at blockbusters I called him and told him the movies that were out and wanted his opinion on what to watch. He says to me "Do you have a cold?" (bc I was sniffling and crying under my sunglasses, Yes at Blockbusters!) I replied with "NOOO I'm an emotional wreck and I cant talk about this to you right now I will be home soon." (bc at this point I was SICK of talking about it, thinking about it, and crying about it SICK of it! )
     We took the boys to the movies (a movie Dylan has been DYING to see) and during the previews there was a few more movies Dylan added to his list of wanting to see. After a preview a date of when the movie is coming out shows up on the screen and Dylan would tell dad. "DAAADDD in July we need to come see that movie dad." I told Dylan "Sweetie Daddy will be gone then." Mike looked at me and said "Im not GONE Stacy, we can watch it on skype together buddy." Then looks at me with a smile. Well okay then.
      We were in the car one night to get dinner and we would talk about deployment, things that I will do while he was gone..and so on. He said "After a couple weeks it will fly by." RIIIIGHT! "Its not a month Mike its 9 MONTHS! I would reply." Then he would follow up with "Stace, its only a few months." It was an ongoing joke because he was trying to sugar coat it. I would tease him about where he went to school and who taught him what a "couple" meant.
      After 2 weeks of deploying  he said "Wellllllll one month is almost over!" hahahahahahahaha no no sir! I think I need to find his math teacher, although he does make me laugh.
      Some other things he would say before leaving...
"When I'm deployed it will get easier, because we can count down the days..."
"I know I can't be there to buy stuff with you (for the house and what not) but you can show me on skype and its like I am there."
I bought a small notebook computer so I could tuck it away in my purse and bring it with me...."When you go home to see the families you can take your computer and its like I'm with you bc we can skype!"

     With his positive attitude he made me feel like everything will be okay...and through past experiences it always is!

Honey to do...

      When going on a vacation or travel back home theres always a million things to do before hand. Bags to pack for the kids, fun things for the kids to do in the car to keep them entertained, clean the house before leaving, make sure to have the oil changed, cash in my wallet, and a plan to  be prepared whether it is bringing a swim suit or dress clothes for church. Well the same goes for a deployment except its not a vacation of two weeks it is 9 months or longer! Theres alot of preparation.
SOLDIERS PACKING
 The soldiers have list of things they need to pack and make sure they have.
                        For instance(Not even close to being the complete list):
4 uniform sets
2 pair of combat boots
running shoes
8 pair of "civilian socks"
8 pair of military socks
personal hygiene (shampoo, soap, tooth brushes, tooth paste, razors...ect)
All their military gear which is a couple pages long of what they need.

So all the gear that is piled in the basement needed to be packed and accounted for which required ALOT of time, patience and helping out my soldier. We started off by bringing all the army gear and things he needed to the living room, Mike handed me papers with lists on them and a pen. I would read off what he needed and in what bag the items would go in, then marked off the list. After that part is complete then its time to pack the bags! Basically there is alot of gear and clothes and not enough room so it requires pushing, pulling, squeezing, tugging, refolding, repacking to get everything in the bag that needs to go. It takes both my soldier and I to get this accomplished. Let me tell you that is a JOB!
     At a deployment meeting we were told the soldiers schedules would be like they are here. Morning PT, Lunch, work, dinner then off unless on a mission. When my soldier is home he has kids to play with, tv to watch, games to play and a wife to hang out with. So it was a MUST to find things for him to bring to stay busy on his down time.
PERSONAL ITEMS
Magic jack
phone
bible
notebooks
computer (skype)
movies
games

HONEY TO DO: about 2 weeks before deployment things need to be done So I make a list, and hang it on the kitchen cupboard and Mike adds to what he wants to get done also before leaving...looked like this...
Daddy, Dylan date
Date night
need contact info how to get a hold of him in case of an emergency on my end
PAPERS PAPERS PAPERS (power of attorneys, wills, his unit phone contact info...ect)
Mini Vacation
Put together the boys trampoline ect...
 A few days before the deployment day I looked at the Honey to do list hanging on the cupboard except it was scribbled on and finished. If there was ever a time I wouldn't mind my soldier not getting what I asked done, that would of been the time. It was a little sad tearing it off the cupboard and throwing it away because it only meant one thing...DEPLOYMENT TIME!

"GoodBye, See Ya later"

      When joining the military we knew a deployment would be in our future so when deciding if the military was something we wanted to do we had to keep a deployment in mind. We were positive we could handle it. 3 and half years after joining the day where we had to say goodbye has come. It was that moment I had my doubts I can hug this man Ive had by my side the last almost 8 years and let him fly half way across the world for 9 months not knowing what the future had in store for us.

      When talking to friends who had went through a deployment they said goodbyes are the hardest and told me how hard the goodbye ceremony was. She said they line the buses side by side, you watch your soldier line up, load the bus and leave. Her son cried, and chased his dad he didn't want him to leave. After hearing this story I was terrified. In Alaska before a deployment they had a ceremony which was so unique to be a part of and the soldiers departed a week or so later, and it was a casual drop your soldier off where he works. Here at Fort Carson they were going to do it the day of and make a dramatic leave which I was not prepared for. After discussing my concerns to my soldier telling him I didn't want Dylan to watch him walk away and load the bus I wanted a intimate, private goodbye and he agreed  it would be hard for him if he was to walk away from us.
      At 5am we brought our soldier to work the day of departure I cried the entire way while my soldier held my hand tight not saying a word. Our decision was this was going to be the last time we were going to see each other until the end of deployment. The boys and I were not going to go to the ceremony. Both the boys were sound asleep so Mike hugged and kissed on each of them telling them he will miss them and he loves them so much. Mike brought his bags into work one by one while I sat in the car waiting for him. He said "Well Stace I got to get in there." I got out of the car, wrapped my arms around him, crying. I said "I'm sad because I have to say goodbye but I am so proud of you and everything will be okay."  I drove away, cried, prayed for strength and cried some more.
      Later on that day Mike called and said "If you go to the ceremony I will have 2 extra hours with you." As tempting as that was I said "I thought we talked about this?" I could hear it in his voice he wanted us to come spend more time with him. The thought of all the soldiers deploying with their moms, dads, brothers,sisters there to support them and my soldier didn't have any family to be there with him I knew I had to suck it up and go.
      The boys and I got there bout 30 minutes early. I sat in the car with my hands gripped to the steering wheel thinking about going home because I did not want to be there. I was trying to hold it together. An army wife pulled up next to me and said "Hey girl, how ya doing?" yup I lost it. I said "this day has dragged on, I don't want to be here this is so damn hard!" She asked me if I wanted a hug and I said "no" because I probably wouldn't be able to pull myself together.
      I wanted to be my husbands support and be there so he knew no matter how difficult I was behind him a million percent. We walked in got seats in the front row and waited. Families all around me waiting for their soldiers to arrive. The soldiers started walking in, guns in their hands and ready to go. I watched the soldiers sit on the benches across from us trying to find my soldier. (Which in uniform they all look the same so it was rather difficult.) I spotted him and began to wave and have our kids wave but he didn't see us. My phone rang and he said "Where are you?" I said look in the front row!!!! Smiles on our faces and big waves towards our soldier he smiled back from across the room. After all soldiers were in the building they were released to go to their families. Mike came over to us and of course Dylan was interested in dads gun so dad showed it off. Dylan thinks dad being a soldier and having a weapon is the coolest thing.
      I asked him when the ceremony was going to begin but come to find out there wasn't one. No general talking about the soldiers and how grateful they were to have the support of the families, no army song, no army band, no flags...nothing. The two hours consisted of sitting around for two hours, waiting for the soldiers to leave. We got there about 11 and the soldiers were going to leave at 1, lunch wasn't even provided. I couldn't believe it, felt like "give me your soldiers and be on your way."
      Looking around trying to avoid the reason behind being there Mike says "You seem distant." I looked at him and said "I'm not talking because I'm having an emotional break down In my head and fighting tears back and if I start talking about you leaving I'm going to cry and look like a crazy person."  ha ha. He told me soldiers deploy all the time and some have deployed more then they have been home. I started to look around at soldiers uniforms and if they have deployed there is a patch under the American flag on their uniform. I couldn't believe it most of the soldiers have deployed. It gave me a little reassurance I needed because they seemed to be holding themselves together quite lovely.
      Dylan was running around with the other kids, and would occasionally come and sit on dads lap. He seemed to be in good spirits which made Mike and I think Dylan didn't understand what this get together was for, as he has been to many military functions.  We kept reminding him but he said "I know" and went about his business.
      There was 15 minutes left before the soldiers were going to load the buses. My compromise to Mike was to leave before they loaded the buses and rode off.  So it was time for hugs and kisses. I hugged Mike and didn't want to let go. Mike is a soldier, loves what he does, wasn't looking forward to leaving but didn't have a choice. He kept kissing me, hugging me and was walking away but I wouldn't let go of his hand, I kept pulling him back to me. He got emotional hugging and kissing the boys telling them he will miss them, they will skype soon, and he loves them. I knew what was next I had to take one foot in front of the other walking away from my soldier and not look back. I just wasn't sure how I was going to do that. Tears rolling down my face I slid my sunglasses over my eyes and walked away, Mason in my arms and holding Dylan's hand.
      We got in the car and I knew this was the moment I had to be strong BC my kids were watching me. I looked back at Dylan who seemed to be fine. I started the car, began to back out of the parking spot and Dylan said "MOM!!!!! You forgot DADDY!!!!" I said "Its time for daddy to go to Kuwait for work remember?" Then it hit him. He started crying saying "No mom!!! Wait for daddy!!! Don't leave Daddy! Go Get my DAD!!" He was very emotional. It was very sad, I slowly drove away, looked in my mirror towards Dylan and he was looking out the back window as we drove away crying saying "daaaadddyyyy!"  We were only across town but the drive seemed like it lasted forever hearing our 7 year old crying like his heart was shattered in a million pieces. We got home and I went to the back seat, wrapped my arms around Dylan and said "Its okay to be sad because saying goodbye isn't fun and we will miss daddy, but daddy is a soldier and he is doing what he needs to do. We will be able to skype with daddy, write daddy letters, send him presents and surprises and he will be back before we know it!" My cheerful words didn't make the tears stop flowing but he was able to get out of the car. He grabbed his special bear, curled up in daddy's spot in our bed and we watch cartoons and snuggled.
      This day was very difficult but I know we will be fine and he will be back before we know it.