"GoodBye, See Ya later"

      When joining the military we knew a deployment would be in our future so when deciding if the military was something we wanted to do we had to keep a deployment in mind. We were positive we could handle it. 3 and half years after joining the day where we had to say goodbye has come. It was that moment I had my doubts I can hug this man Ive had by my side the last almost 8 years and let him fly half way across the world for 9 months not knowing what the future had in store for us.

      When talking to friends who had went through a deployment they said goodbyes are the hardest and told me how hard the goodbye ceremony was. She said they line the buses side by side, you watch your soldier line up, load the bus and leave. Her son cried, and chased his dad he didn't want him to leave. After hearing this story I was terrified. In Alaska before a deployment they had a ceremony which was so unique to be a part of and the soldiers departed a week or so later, and it was a casual drop your soldier off where he works. Here at Fort Carson they were going to do it the day of and make a dramatic leave which I was not prepared for. After discussing my concerns to my soldier telling him I didn't want Dylan to watch him walk away and load the bus I wanted a intimate, private goodbye and he agreed  it would be hard for him if he was to walk away from us.
      At 5am we brought our soldier to work the day of departure I cried the entire way while my soldier held my hand tight not saying a word. Our decision was this was going to be the last time we were going to see each other until the end of deployment. The boys and I were not going to go to the ceremony. Both the boys were sound asleep so Mike hugged and kissed on each of them telling them he will miss them and he loves them so much. Mike brought his bags into work one by one while I sat in the car waiting for him. He said "Well Stace I got to get in there." I got out of the car, wrapped my arms around him, crying. I said "I'm sad because I have to say goodbye but I am so proud of you and everything will be okay."  I drove away, cried, prayed for strength and cried some more.
      Later on that day Mike called and said "If you go to the ceremony I will have 2 extra hours with you." As tempting as that was I said "I thought we talked about this?" I could hear it in his voice he wanted us to come spend more time with him. The thought of all the soldiers deploying with their moms, dads, brothers,sisters there to support them and my soldier didn't have any family to be there with him I knew I had to suck it up and go.
      The boys and I got there bout 30 minutes early. I sat in the car with my hands gripped to the steering wheel thinking about going home because I did not want to be there. I was trying to hold it together. An army wife pulled up next to me and said "Hey girl, how ya doing?" yup I lost it. I said "this day has dragged on, I don't want to be here this is so damn hard!" She asked me if I wanted a hug and I said "no" because I probably wouldn't be able to pull myself together.
      I wanted to be my husbands support and be there so he knew no matter how difficult I was behind him a million percent. We walked in got seats in the front row and waited. Families all around me waiting for their soldiers to arrive. The soldiers started walking in, guns in their hands and ready to go. I watched the soldiers sit on the benches across from us trying to find my soldier. (Which in uniform they all look the same so it was rather difficult.) I spotted him and began to wave and have our kids wave but he didn't see us. My phone rang and he said "Where are you?" I said look in the front row!!!! Smiles on our faces and big waves towards our soldier he smiled back from across the room. After all soldiers were in the building they were released to go to their families. Mike came over to us and of course Dylan was interested in dads gun so dad showed it off. Dylan thinks dad being a soldier and having a weapon is the coolest thing.
      I asked him when the ceremony was going to begin but come to find out there wasn't one. No general talking about the soldiers and how grateful they were to have the support of the families, no army song, no army band, no flags...nothing. The two hours consisted of sitting around for two hours, waiting for the soldiers to leave. We got there about 11 and the soldiers were going to leave at 1, lunch wasn't even provided. I couldn't believe it, felt like "give me your soldiers and be on your way."
      Looking around trying to avoid the reason behind being there Mike says "You seem distant." I looked at him and said "I'm not talking because I'm having an emotional break down In my head and fighting tears back and if I start talking about you leaving I'm going to cry and look like a crazy person."  ha ha. He told me soldiers deploy all the time and some have deployed more then they have been home. I started to look around at soldiers uniforms and if they have deployed there is a patch under the American flag on their uniform. I couldn't believe it most of the soldiers have deployed. It gave me a little reassurance I needed because they seemed to be holding themselves together quite lovely.
      Dylan was running around with the other kids, and would occasionally come and sit on dads lap. He seemed to be in good spirits which made Mike and I think Dylan didn't understand what this get together was for, as he has been to many military functions.  We kept reminding him but he said "I know" and went about his business.
      There was 15 minutes left before the soldiers were going to load the buses. My compromise to Mike was to leave before they loaded the buses and rode off.  So it was time for hugs and kisses. I hugged Mike and didn't want to let go. Mike is a soldier, loves what he does, wasn't looking forward to leaving but didn't have a choice. He kept kissing me, hugging me and was walking away but I wouldn't let go of his hand, I kept pulling him back to me. He got emotional hugging and kissing the boys telling them he will miss them, they will skype soon, and he loves them. I knew what was next I had to take one foot in front of the other walking away from my soldier and not look back. I just wasn't sure how I was going to do that. Tears rolling down my face I slid my sunglasses over my eyes and walked away, Mason in my arms and holding Dylan's hand.
      We got in the car and I knew this was the moment I had to be strong BC my kids were watching me. I looked back at Dylan who seemed to be fine. I started the car, began to back out of the parking spot and Dylan said "MOM!!!!! You forgot DADDY!!!!" I said "Its time for daddy to go to Kuwait for work remember?" Then it hit him. He started crying saying "No mom!!! Wait for daddy!!! Don't leave Daddy! Go Get my DAD!!" He was very emotional. It was very sad, I slowly drove away, looked in my mirror towards Dylan and he was looking out the back window as we drove away crying saying "daaaadddyyyy!"  We were only across town but the drive seemed like it lasted forever hearing our 7 year old crying like his heart was shattered in a million pieces. We got home and I went to the back seat, wrapped my arms around Dylan and said "Its okay to be sad because saying goodbye isn't fun and we will miss daddy, but daddy is a soldier and he is doing what he needs to do. We will be able to skype with daddy, write daddy letters, send him presents and surprises and he will be back before we know it!" My cheerful words didn't make the tears stop flowing but he was able to get out of the car. He grabbed his special bear, curled up in daddy's spot in our bed and we watch cartoons and snuggled.
      This day was very difficult but I know we will be fine and he will be back before we know it.